What’s Scary about Change?

I’m a Flip-Flop type of girl but…….

 

Are you comfortable with change?

I am. I like change. Whether it’s my hair from long to short or from bleach blond to dark brown, or the position of the furniture in my house…I love a change-a-round.

September heralds in the new school year, the new university year, a new autumn, a new routine after the long summer holidays. And I’m okay with that. Don’t get me wrong; I LOVE summer. I love wearing flip flops, I love the feeling of freedom not having to wear coats and boots, I love impromptu BBQ’s, I love sitting out in the garden in the evening with a glass of wine, I love the light mornings and the evenings that stretch on. BUT…. I also love the change of seasons.

I love Autumn days with a blue sky and the turning of the leaves. I love closing my curtains and lighting candles. I love feeling cosy. I love bundling up in a jumper, my joggies and my uggs. I like the feeling of shutting out the world and being in my home with a good book or watching Strictly… Autumn is my time to hunker down and that suits me and my personality too.  

Over the years, I’ve learned to embrace this change in the year rather than battle against it. It’s a bit of a mindset, isn’t it? If you can shift your perspective then it becomes easier to deal with. This is true in so many different contexts.

When my youngest started University last year, it was a real change for me. It affected me harder than I thought it would, harder than when my eldest went off to Uni. Suddenly it was just me and Mr B! How would we get on without anyone else in the house. Would we be okay? Would we have enough to chat about? Would we enjoy each other’s company again?! I had my work to keep me busy but I still found the change difficult. I almost felt bereft and I think it has taken me this whole year to come to terms with the fact that my boys have flown the nest, that I am no longer needed like I once was. It was easier for me to accept this when I changed my mindset to one of acceptance; to one where I gave myself a pat on the back for having raised my two boys and for the two of them being happy to fly!

When my mum had to move into a care home, I felt such anxiety as that was the last thing she had ever wanted to happen to her. Unfortunately, her Dementia laid her open to accidents and a vulnerability that was truly worrying. On the day she had to move in we all broke our hearts but as soon as she was there my mindset changed to ‘thank God, we got her in here where she is safe, warm, has regular hot food and is looked after and before anything happened to her’. That change in mindset took me from distress to thankfulness. 

I have been in jobs where things haven’t worked out and there has been conflict or a dissatisfaction with the work. When you are in that situation it is hard to get perspective and often it’s not until you have walked away that perspective comes into focus. We can hang onto regrets and feelings of unfairness or being mistreated in some way….but at the end of the day, what good is it doing you to hold onto this? The chances are that the only person who is holding onto it is you, and it is dragging you down and sapping your energy. Learn from what has happened, and move on. Be aware of the part you yourself played  and learn how to change so that doesn’t happen the next time. If the behaviour and the reactions came from another person, then you will have learned better how to deal with that type of person. You can change how you react and respond but you have no control over how someone else reacts.

It is through my coaching training that I have learned how to change my mindset and to see the learning from different situations I have been in, and continue to find myself in. Life happens and it’s how you deal with it that is important; it’s the lessons you learn from what happens to you. It’s how you pick yourself up and carry on. There are always going to be tough times and times when our life changes and not always for the best; life isn’t one big fat bowl of cherries;  painful things happen, change happens but when you learn to embrace the  change and see things with a different mindset, it can really, truly help.

 

If anything in my blog has resonated with you and you feel that stress & anxiety life coaching could help you then email me now for a chat: dawn@dbcoaching.co.uk  or call me on 07984 954304.

You can download my free PDF, 7 Super-Simple Strategies for Worrying Less by simply filling in your details at the side of this page and clicking ‘Download’.

 

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